the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
