I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
