didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
