i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
