I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
