HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
