My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
