she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
a search helicopter?!
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Randomize
