Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
