I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
