you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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