I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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