it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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