Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
