mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
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ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
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He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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