How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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