Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
