Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
