Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
