Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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