So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
