He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
