Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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