And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
