Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
