Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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