i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
