How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
