Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
