4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
