why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
