doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
