so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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