About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
