I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
