that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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