I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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