I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
