piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
