I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
