I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
