Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Randomize
