Just fell off a train. Bad.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Randomize
