Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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