I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Is it penis luge time yet?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
