youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
