I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
