I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm like, not good at living.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
