I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
