A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
We named our party play list daddy issues
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
