Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
