11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
