I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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