Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
