A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
