I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
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