So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
