The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
She has the best kind of daddy issues
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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