she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
