i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
