I want to walk on stilts...naked
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
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the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
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What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
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