He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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