I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
