morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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