Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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