3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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