They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
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I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
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Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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