can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
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