i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
