you have to choose: penises or morals?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
