I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
