so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
