Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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