i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
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