were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
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Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
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I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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