Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
