I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Come share oat with me in your robe
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
