I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
