just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
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You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
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Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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