dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize