I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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