She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
