try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
