when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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