I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
