Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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