Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she peed on how many people?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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