Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
